What Do You Say…

What do you say to the cousin who has loss their cousin
What do you say to a person who’s family member was killed
What do you say to the cousin who has loss their best friend
What do you say to the grandfather who has loss their granddaughter
What do you say to the aunt who has loss their nephew
What do you say to the sister who has loss her brother
What do you say to the uncle who has loss their niece
What do you say to the grandmother who has loss their grandson

What do you say to the nephew who has loss their auntie
What do you say to the brother who has loss their lil brother
What do you say to the mom who has loss their son
What do you say to the daughter who has loss her father
What do you say

It’s gonna be alright
He’s in a better place
She’s in a better place
The cops is going to get them
This to shall pass
You’re gonna be alright
It’s all in God’s plan
It happened for a reason
They lived a very long life
Gone too soon
She’s with them now
In do time
What a great celebration of life
Take the time to grieve
Gone but not forgotten
He would have enjoyed that
She would have loved that
Be grateful for the time we did have
May she
May he
Rest in Peace
Bless their heart

One of my favorite college professors, Dr. Damu Kenyjatta once said, “When it’s your time, it’s your time.” We were sitting in the theatre and he was giving us one of his many wisdom sessions. He blew my mind with that one, “When it’s your time, it’s your time.” I remember thinking to myself, “Damn he’s deep”. Now I know some of the best wisdom is pure logic. Believe you me he said much deeper stuff than that.

But what he didn’t say was, although it’s their time. It doesn’t mean it won’t hurt any less or that it will even make sense.

Lord, I don’t get it. I’m sitting here trying to wrap my head around it and it doesn’t make sense. I don’t know what I’m suppose to do. I don’t know how I’m suppose to respond. I don’t know what I have done or what my family has done to have to go through this again.

Hell I don’t know if I understand anything. My family’s situation is first and foremost because their the closes to me. But, at the same time, I don’t know why the world is going through so much pain, from natural disasters, to shootings, health scares, fires, etc..etc…etc. You name it, it has happened and is happening. I’m all about feeling, but right now the only feeling that is consistent is pain.

I can hear the elders say, “He will never put more on you, than you can handle.”
Bull crap.

Every time, I think I’m going through something tough. You remind me that some body else has it worse. But my pain is real dear God and I don’t know how to make everything better. It seems like the norm is pain. Pain on top of pain. Pain greater than any one man, woman, or child can take. Lord I don’t know….

I don’t know how to be strong. I don’t want to be strong. I want to stand tall, stretch my arms out to my sides as far as they can go, lay my head back and yell at the top of my lungs, THIS IS FUCKED UP GOD! THIS IS SO FUCKED UP! and then scream until I run out of breath.

Out of respect, I’m not going to do that. Instead I’m going to wash this wine glass. Climb into my bed and cry until the tears stop flowing. Then remind myself that the only thing I have left to give to my family and to the world is love. Because lord knows, I have nothing else to give. Know matter what the cause was, it’s never gonna be okay. I don’t get it. I will never understand it and all I want to do is hug my family.

The answers may never come and the pain may never go away. What do you say to a person who’s heart is broken and joy won’t come in the morning?

R.I.P Peace Cuz

IMG_0846
My favorite recent pic of my cousin Maria. Saturday July 29, 2017 – Ms. Helen and Maria                   Maria passed away September 13, 2017
Advertisements
What Do You Say…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s